So I Wrote

Le update

Right. I was going to start this post off with an apology for the more than fair bit of whinging I do here but then I thought that, actually, there is nothing more annoying than people apologizing for things that need not be apologized for. And also this is my blog, my diary, my place on the giant internet so fuck off with your incessant demands!

One could say I fell off many horses after I finally stepped enough out of the denial regarding my therapist situation. Oh jesus fuck me, am I fucked or what? I can't afford the private therapist he recommended. Comfort eating galore. Surprisingly, however, I did not slack off school one bit. I will be studying this occurrence for years to come because WTF.

Speaking of school, I had a presentation due last Tuesday on sexual health and reproduction. At first I was completely shitting myself because seriously? I have to do an assignment with a group of girls I've never met in my life, forcing me to be social and accountable to other people (OH THE BLINDING HORROR!), and at the same time having sex shoved in my face every day for a couple weeks. I foresaw much wringing of hands and flinging of curse words... but in reality it turned out lovely. The girls were lovely. We laughed a lot, we worked really very well together and the subject matter was interesting and didn't make me run away at all.

I didn't forsee my problem to be after the presentation was done. Am I friends with the ladies now? Can I tell text them and harass them on facebook? They all seem keen to talk and are full of plans to hang out again but are they just being polite? I am so socially inept and penguin like about friendship that I really have no clue what is going on. Ah jesus. I would like to have them as friends.

In other news, my cat James turned three yesterday. And yes, he is adorable.

Oh, hello!

(Today's post is brought to you by DENIAL, the premiere company for excessive and inappropriate cheerfulness.)

I didn't see you there. But now that you're here, why don't you pull up a virtual chair and have a seat? I have ever so much to tell you. So many interesting things just itching to find their way out of my fingers, through my keyboard and to you.

But before I do, please allow me to bring you the new mommy-blogging that is sweeping the world off its feet: kitty-blogging! Why yes! I do indeed have two cats of my own. Adorable ones, if I may say so myself. Brace yourselves, there are pictures afoot!

 
That there is my baby girl squirrel who rules the world. Her name is Lilly. She was a gift to me from my husband. Lilly was found abandoned as a very young kitten and it took me (and derrr hubbs) a very long time to earn her trust. When I think about how far she has come in her own kitty way I am prone to bursting into tears. 
Lilly was born in America and lived there for the first year and a half of her life, but then flew to Sweden because neither me or derrrrhubbs could bear to be without her. It cost an arm and a leg, but luckily Madame Pomfrey gave me a shot or four of skele-grow and I was fine the next day.

Why a Harry Potter reference? Because, my lovely reader who is beautiful in a sticky, moist sort of way, when we got the next cat we (I) named him James. Harry Potter's parents were named Lily and James. In this household, however, we will insist that in every book there is a typo and the second L in Lilly's name was forgotten. Oh well. At least some people in the world can get it right.

 

 
 There he is. James. He is a Swedish cat, through and through. He is not the brightest of cats. Compared to his sister he is very... well. He is very cute anyway. He loves to cuddle and loves to play. He is quite skittish but when he grows to like you, he loves you and he will try to cover as big a surface of your body with his little kitty body as he possibly can. While shedding on you out of pure excitement. If he finds you sleeping WITHOUT HIM (oh my mew, how dare you!) he will furiously headbutt your face until you wake up and prepare a spot for him for a nice spooning session.
 

 
 


Here they are together. James was still a wee kitten then.

Well, then. That is all! I do apologize for forgetting all the interesting, vital and important things I was aiming to tell you at the beginning of this post - the sight of my kittenzzzzzzzzzzomg drive me to distraction and I must immediately locate one for emergency cuddles.

Maybe next time.

Happy Birthday, dad.

Dad,

It's your birthday. You would have been turning 57. I wonder what you would be doing if you were alive, dad. Would you be ignoring your birthday, and hoping everyone else would too, like always? Or would you be changed from defeating cancer, and celebrate your life?

I would be celebrating your life, dad. I'm so sick of this mourning, and I wish I could throw you a big "You're Alive!" party. Or maybe a "You're So Awesome!" party, because you were SO awesome dad. I hope I never forget how awesome you were. It's been a little over two years now, and I can't believe it's been that long since you were here with me.

You've missed so much. Let me tell you.

T, my youngest elder brother, is doing so well at work dad.  You would be so proud of him. All the nurses come to him to ask for advice they should be asking the doctor for. I hope he goes back to school soon, so he can use his brain to save more lives. But you know how he is... So incredibly intelligent. Just like you.

A, my eldest brother, is still working in Thailand. The apartment you helped him buy is completely decorated. It's very white and clean. After you died he told me how much you helped him with the apartment and he cried. I cried too,because you did so much good that you hid. You deserved to be celebrated more. I haven't seen A in a while, but I hope he will come visit soon. But you know how he is... work work work. Just like you.

H, my older sister, bought birds. She breeds them now, dad. It sort of fits with her and M, her boyfriend, doesn't it? They're like swans. They've mated for life. She gave five birds to mum... Well actually she forced five birds on mum. Mum didn't want them because she's afraid of them dying. Death is so upsetting when you're the one left behind. But I guess she knew how happy they would make mum in the end, even if mum was upset at her first. But you know how she is.... always relentlessly giving. Just like you.

Mum just came home from her yearly trip to Thailand with H. She celebrated her 60th birthday there at a spa. I don't know what else to tell you about mum, dad, that you wouldn't already know.  You know how she is... Lights up a room. Just like you.

I got married, dad. I married Stephen. My wedding day wasn't what I thought it would be, because you weren't there. I know you would have put on your nicest suit, and you would have hemorrhaged money on the party. I think you might have cried. I have two cats now. Lilly and James. Remember Lilly? I showed you so many pictures of her. I flew her over from America to Sweden because I just couldn't leave her behind. Apparently she was the calmest animal they've dealt with in Cargo.
Dad, I'm about to finally finish high school. I start crying just thinking about how proud you would be of me. Dad I owe so much of it to you. You told me I was intelligent and that I could do anything I wanted. When I doubted myself and thought that maybe I wasn't smart at all, and this emotional weight I always carry wasn't the cause of my failures in the past... well I would hear your voice telling me it couldn't possibly be so because I'm your daughter. I think I got that from a text message you sent me when I was at the airport heading for Scotland and I was surrounded by drunk business men. It said: "You're my daughter. You are better than them." Well I am your daughter dad. And the demons I have won't hold me back, because I am better than them. I'm going to school this fall to learn acupuncture. Are you proud of me dad? I'll never give up. But you know how I am... Unbreakable. Just like you.

I love you dad. I hope you can hear me. I miss you so much. Things aren't the same without you here.

Happy Birthday.