I went to my first session with my brand spankin' new therapist yesterday. I am so pleased. I saw her in the hallway before I knew she was my therapist and I thought "hey, I would really like her as my therapist." Why? Because she is so tall. And she looks sturdy. Like I could punch her with my words and Deep Dark Secrets and she would be all "Was that a mosquito bite? BRING IT HARDER."
I was ever so pleased when she came and called my name. I was even more pleased when she introduced herself as being both a psychotherapist AND a physical therapist, and that she likes to combine the two. I was beyond pleased when I realized she was reading me. She TOLD me things about me - and fuck did I appreciate that. I told her that if I know what's wrong with me and how to fix it - I do. I very much appreciate that she didn't beat around the bush, trying to get me to realize everything on my own - I have spent so much goddamn time thinking about these things that if I had the capacity to have epiphanies about them on my own I would have by now. It seems a bit dishonest when therapists do try to steer questions into a realization. A whole bunch of leading questions, and you can see from a mile away what they want you to say or see.
Just tell me what you think, and I'll tell you if I agree.
Anyway, she's a lovey person. She honed in on some surprising things that I wasn't expecting at all. Like my self-esteem. Trust issues (which I said nothing about, and she still understood! What is this devilry?!). The pressure I put on myself to perform, excel, be better all the time. So, because of my tendency to race through to get to the finish line fastest, strongest, winningest she told me we are going to take it all step by step. The next few sessions will be about building trust between she and I and self esteem for me.
And when she asked at the end how it felt, I told her I was thrilled she hadn't given up at first sight. She made it clear she won't at second either.
*Le weep of relief*
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