Weather

Isn't it totally lulz how in life you're always weathering something? Whether it's relationship issues with someone, work or school issues, personal, economical, and those pesky "I'm not sure what's wrong but something is and it's sucking" issues.

I'm in a fairly stable place right now. Although, I am scared shitless that something will barrel me over again and I will spend this fall like I did the last: curled up in fetal position on a mattress in a closet for three months shoving cheeze doodles in my face because I needed to be punished. For Lord knows what. That was a dark hour. My husband would get so scared that I was killing myself when he was out that he would come home. And boy was he pissed at me for making him so scared for me.

Anyway. Weathering. Right now I am weathering some economical issues. My attitude about the whole thing is equally fascinating and terrifying to me. I comparatively calm. I've weathered worse things, these things always have a way of working themselves out - so what's the point of being in a state of extremely high strung anxiousness when it's all going to be okay anyway? I am turning into a hippie. Or a grounded, secure adult. Either way, it's a pretty alien state of being for me.

Of course, being Scared as I am (generalized anxiety disorder),  I am still guarded against that tiny little gust of wind that will blow my little house of cards down and leave me tumbling down, down, down. I realize once I start therapy for The Sexual Issues Which Shall Not Be Named I will surely take a few falls. I don't know how bad those falls will be or how long they will last. It's a scary thing, knowing how deep you can go and not wanting to go back there. I just hope my weathering attitude is deeply enough ingrained in me to not let The Worst happen.

Now I must continue my Academic career and responsibly listen to the lectures I have lined up.