Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Something I hope to do in my life... There are things that I am certain I will do in my life, like have a child (Man, I want one. My uterus is constantly asking me to fill it with cells multiplying at great speeds. It's getting hard to find reasons to tell it no), that I could classify under 'hope' but to me they just seem like they are meant to happen. So I don't have to hope.
What I hope to do is an abstract thought. Hoping to do something sounds like the chances are slim and you could spend your time finding the needle in the haystack and expect the same result; disappointment. I could say I hope to get better - but then again, fuck, I have to believe that I will otherwise I will just lay down in my bed and not get up again. There is no hope, there is just do. It must happen, otherwise... What is the point. Just the thought of having to accept my 'problems' as they are now to stay this way forever is so disheartening - I don't know how I would cope with it ever being a reality.
I hope to get over my intimidation of writing a book, and... well, writing a book. I have a story in my head and I hope to one day get it in print. If people read it or not isn't important but just to see my story - something purely from my imagination - in print. Quite similar to this blog, really. I don't have many readers but man does it feel good that the internet-ether hears my side of the story and sees what I went through instead of... not, I guess heh.
I hope that my blog might serve as a beacon of light for someone going through hard times, like I am now. It sounds a bit narcissistic, perhaps, but maybe someone who feels like shit in their life will read this and feel inspired to fight for them-self as I am fighting for myself. Fighting the demons that have been there a long, long time - so long they are a part of your personality - is hard work. But I am nothing extraordinary - anything I have done, anyone can do. You can be at the bottom of the bottom and you can climb back up. It sucks sometimes. It's a long way up but where else can you go? Stay at the bottom? Suffer forever? Why? Why, when you can make it better with a little elbow grease, discipline and determination? Time will pass whether you do something about your mental state or not - so why let it pass and do nothing and think about what could have been when you can let it pass and give yourself everything you deserve, and then think about what was and how different everything is now.
I also hope I don't have too much pain in my muscles after today's work out. Slim, slim chance of that happening though. Form an orderly line for the chance to kiss my beautiful apples though.
*flex*
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